I dare to hope
I dare to love
I reached out.
Hoping to find you there.

Hoping that it's enough
Hoping that I'm enough.
But you seem to be always looking for something more
You always find a fault

In my eyes
There's always a mistake
Yet you never tell me
Always left me in the cold.

Shivering in the shadows.
It's never enough.
I'm never enough.
Yet, I still hold on.

Why does my heart still beats?
When you held it in your hands
And there it lays in pieces.
Why am I still here?

Maybe just to ask these questions
Over and over again
Looking into my eyes I see a reflection
Of me, of you, of my mistakes.

Dear you,
It feels like a thousand years since I last saw you.
How's the sky?
How's the moon?

Have you found a friend there?
I hope the loneliness is not as much as mine.
Are they kind there?
I hope their smiles are as wide as mine.

Do you still look down to see me?
Have a glimpse of my made up face.
Do you still remember the smell of the air?
Or the sound of the storm?

Do you ever get scared there?
I hope your fear is not as big as mine.
Is there someone who holds your hand there?
Calms your fears as you used to calm mine.

Do you ever cry there?
It streams my face from time to time.
Does your heart aches there?
Mine aches all the time.

Do angels really glow?
With wings ready to fly.
Have you seen His face?
Is it really kind?

Did He tell you about me?
How I'm trying to be brave and wise.
Do you ever think of me there?
And long to see me eye to eye.

My tears are like the rain

My fears are like the storm

My wishes are like the howling of the wind

My hopes like the waves crashing the shore.

Beneath my beating heart

Lies a tomb,

of my life with you.

Encased in your laughter;

Sealed with your love.

Moments of us;

In the grave of hearts.

what are hearts made of?

Of love
and lies
of promises
of pieces 
of you and me


gold dust and trust
joy and pain


willows and daisy whites
of little smiles
of abundant laughter
Tears and spills 
mirrors and memories.


Endless arrays of hopes
and broken dreams.


Of little aches, of little pain
of rupture and sorrows
of roses
of thorns.


Of misty mornings
dewy nights
of blinding stars
of balmy moon
Sunshines
of rain
of peace
and war.


Of whispered secrets
of hums, of songs
of freedom
and prison.


Of deceit and alliances
betrayal and loyalty


of stones and bearings
of mallows and clouds.


Of heroes and villains
of endless swords
and speechless.


Of muted shouts
and loud arouse.


Of impotence
and passionate
and fertile grounds
of unbounded seeds.


Of sea of green
and blinding browns
Of hues of blue
and yellows abound
shades of grey
red violets and rainbows.


Of wind of life
and zapping death.


Of thousand ships 
and endless shores.
Of sea of mist
and clear dewy morn.


Of you and me
Laughter and pain.
Sorrow and longing.
Of love and rain.


The garden of eden
roses and thorns
blades of grass
in the tomb 
of mourn.


Of knives
and death
Graves and earth
the dawn and twilight


The sign of life

And immeasurable end.

Yesterday I feel like I was going in circles
Chasing something
Shiny and bright
Trying to hold onto something.
Round and round
Up and down.
Smiles and frown
sunshine and rain.
Yesterday I was running in circles
chasing butterflies and rainbows
Angel dust in the sky
Endless rays of sunshine.
I was running in circles.
Round and round the elusive ground
Yesterday I was running in circles
But why always back to you.

My fears freed

My love aflew

Afloat in life

So alone, so new

In the earth

You rest.

The heart that loveth

The heart that ceased

Its beating, its rhythm

Solitude.

In the waves of life

Crushing my soul

waiting to cross the ocean

Sailing to you

As you await

In your shore

I shall be.

When this journey ends..

I wish I'd hold your hand more.
Hug you tighter.
Kiss your lips that one last time
Told you iloveyou all the while.
Wish I'd looked you in the eye,
See you smile
Touch your face
and close my eyes.
Wish I'd be with you.
when you told me to.
Wish I'd say iloveyou too
And not just whisper hello.
Wish I'd spend one more day.
One more minute.
Everlasting time with you.
Amaranth.
Eternity.

I thought i saw your eyes in the summer skies. I thought i heard you calling my name in a song. I thought it's you touching me in the rain. I thought it's you who whispered in the wind. I thought it's your hand reaching out, touching. Crumbling, crumbling. I thought it's you who wiped my tears away. Lingers, echoes, flounders, planted, withered, flourished.

I

I slept soundly
I slept tight
I awoke lonely
On a rainy sunrise.
Unaware that you've left;
unaware, out of sight
boiling happiness,
simmering delight.
Then the sun told me
He had kissed you goodbye,
The wind has already whispered your name
on your one last ride.
why didn't i noticed?
when the skies cried.
when they've noticed you've left
without saying goodbye.
The grounds were wet with tears,
but it just slipped my mind
that the rain told me to
bid you my one last goodbye. 23.3.10

Why do I love thee?

I love thee because you're short and sweet.

I love thee because the end is near.

I love thee because I can't finish writing my book.

I love thee because you can be a lyric to a song.

That's why I love writing poems.

Neath the love
Neath the lies
Lays the soul
that bids goodbye.

Neath the tears
Neath the fears
the abundant laughter
waiting to explode.

Neath the clouds
Neath the skies
The sun
waiting to shine.

Neath the hate 
Neath the curse
The smile unhinge
the heart survives.

Thank you for the heartbreak.
For enriching my world
With tears and sadness.
For the pieces that I've picked and pasted.

Thank you for the heartache.
That enriches my soul.
The endless flow of clouds
On my endless rainy days.

Thank you for the weakness
Thank you for the strength
The love that tasted bitter
The love that was never there.

Thank you for the darkness.
Where I found the light
Thank you for the friendship
Thank you for the lies.


Thank you for the goodbyes
Thank you for the hellos
Thank you for showing me where my heart is
And thank you for breaking it to pieces.

I wanted to say hi.
But words fell on the sideways.
searching for that familiar tune,
Humming in my memory.

Time turned, time ticked
Filling the empty spaces.
Neath the mangled words,
my empty days.

I wanted to say hello.
And wanted to ask why.
But words fell on the sideways,
All the hurt I now hide.

be still 07/09/09

keep still my heart, please learn it
learn to let go, to bid it
to calm down
not to panic
when it's time to let go
time to farewell.


keep still my heart, stop aching
a day will come when you'll be healing
learn to let go, learn to farewell
as you know, the heart that just went
loves you as well, and he said forever


keep still my heart, please learn it
don't be obstinate
you can say it
you will learn to heal, i know it


keep still my heart, please say it
let go. learn it.
say goodbye now.
its not forever.